A Fresh Start

How does one exactly start to blog? Does it just seem like a good idea one day, or is it by some divine inspiration? Does it come from a wide variation of emotions or does it come from the need to try to sort out one’s thoughts? Maybe it’s a little bit of everything, or maybe it’s none of these at all. I’m not quite sure. I know that I have attempted to blog, many times, as made apparent by my 4 Google Bloggers now left abandoned. If blogs were books on shelves, they would’ve accumulated a thick layer of dust and cobwebs; they’d have that musky book smell that can only be acquired after being well loved but then left behind long ago.

I’m never quite sure of the right way to start off a blog. Usually I go into some boring, meaningless introduction in an attempt to make a reader feel emotionally connected to me, as if a quick snippet would give them some sort of insight into my life. However, as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to learn that introductions are only what we want people to see on the surface; they can never truly dive into the complexities of our every day lives or even begin to scratch the surface of who we are. I could list off all the many titles I have: mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, lover, Christian, Libertarian voter, recovering addict, domestic violence victim, abuse survivor, a sufferer of borderline personality disorder and bipolar; however, even that does not begin to truly reveal who I am as a person. Titles can only define us so much, but they can’t really begin to describe who we are. I can be a mother, and you can be a mother, but I can guarantee you that we are no where near the same person. You could have be a domestic violence survivor, but it doesn’t mean that we process the way we see the world in any sort of similar fashion.

I am writing this blog in an attempt to help myself, and if I can help one or two others in the process, I have done far more than I ever intended to do. If I am even able to help clear my head, even a portion of my thoughts, I will have exceeded my own wildest expectations. This blog is an attempt to help myself through life – be it mundane tasks or something of an extraordinary feat. The blog is an attempt to find my voice again after having it smothered out for years; this is an attempt to find myself in the chaos of every day life. I invite anyone along on the journey with me, because who knows? Maybe I have a word or two of advice that could be helpful. Of course there will be entries where I write about things everyone can relate to, but maybe sometimes it’s just the chaos of my mind being put to virtual pen and paper.

Anyways, I invite you along with me on a journey of a woman attempting to find herself again. I invite you to learn with me, and to feel with me. Maybe you’ll find a piece of you was lost, just like I have. Or maybe you’ll feel better about yourself knowing there is someone in this world with a more chaotic mind than you could’ve imagined. At any rate, I look forward to this blog, if for nothing else than to save myself. This will become my safe place, a dwelling safe from the world, where I can be myself and express myself without fear of retribution or retaliation. Not all my posts will sound so serious, I assure you, I have a radical, outrageous, and sometimes vastly inappropriate sense of humor; however, some days are meant to be serious.

Until next time.
-A.T